32.Bloodied Hands

Editing/Standardisation: Medicine Melancholy
Original Translation: Medicine Melancholy

Iris

We had been assisting the mercenary company’s strike force in the forest for a while now, and were steadily advancing into the goblins’ territory. It’s not surprising, considering goblins weren’t supposed to be the kind of opponent Reiji-san and Saul-niisama would struggle to fight against.

Still, Saul-niisama’s complexion wasn’t good, and he slowed down his pace.

“Reiji-san, can you still keep going?”

Since I couldn’t say anything to Nii-sama, who would only reply “It’s nothing” when I talked to him, I caught up with Reiji-san, who was walking in the lead, at a short run, and pulled his sleeve lightly to ask him a question.

“Me? Better than the other day, at least.”

He then patted me on the head to reassure me. I was worried that he might be overworking, but it seemed that I was just overreacting.

Looking back, Reiji-san was always the one to take the lead, even when I was still the “me” of before. His large hand placed as usual on my head eased my tension of standing on an unfamiliar battlefield.

“I’ll put what’s important to me first, and make anything that stands in my way pay… Just like old times, eh?”

…For some reason, I couldn’t look directly at Reiji-san because I felt like my heartbeat had intensified, and I hastily looked away.

“I’ll always be there to protect you… That fact will never change.”

“…Nnn? What did you say?”

I couldn’t hear what he said at the end, because his voice was so small that it was basically a whisper.

“…It’s nothing, don’t worry too much about it. Anyway, just rely on your elder, alright?”

“Aren’t we the same age?”

“I was born in May, you were born in October, that makes me five months older than you. Not to mention ‘Iris’ is definitely younger than me!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at Reiji-san’s deadly seriousness and forceful insistence that he was older than me.

“Well then, I’m counting on you, Onii-chan?”

“O-Oh… Leave it to me.”

At my slightly impish way of calling him, Reiji-san turned away and replied curtly, the opposite of what I expected… Did I tease him too much?

Our search continued.

“Saul, back off, you idiot! You’re straying too far from Iris!”

“What, oh crap-”

It was just a small opening. Several goblins jumped in between Saul-niisama and I, as we were slightly separated by the woods. What bad timing… no, it was as if the enemies had been waiting for this exact moment. Reiji-san was busy keeping the enemy archers in check, and he was too far away. Looks like there’s a “leader” commanding these goblins after all.

When I stepped back to distance myself from the signs of the enemies…

“Kyah?!”

A strong impact to the head.

My vision flickered.

I stumbled forward and had to lean my wobbly back on a tree that happened to be growing just beyond where I had fallen.

I felt a streak of viscous liquid dripping from my head. When I touched it in a daze, I felt the liquid sticking to my hand. My hand was stained red with blood.

“Iris! Dammit, run!”

Saul-niisama’s voice felt distant as he released a magic chain to stop the goblins blocking the way and somehow tried to break through.

Even though my “Protection” mitigated some of the direct damage, it was still enough to rip open the skin on my head.

In my flickering vision, I saw a goblin, even smaller than the ones in the surrounding, creeping up behind me, reaching toward me with a grin, as if pleased with its accomplishment.

From there, it was a spur-of-the-moment move.

Without thinking, I reached out my hand. Because of the difference in size, I was slightly quicker to grab the other side’s chest, and…

“Aaaaaaaaaah!!”

…slammed it to the ground with all my strength.

No matter how powerless I was, I couldn’t be as bad as the… child (?) goblin in front of me. Before the little goblin, still frightened by the unexpected counterattack, had any time to resist, I stomped on its chest with the thick sole of my boot, restraining it from trying to get up.

At the edge of my vision, I caught a glimpse of not only the goblins, who had probably underestimated the ease with which they could take me on alone, but also Reiji-san and Saul-niisama, who had frozen up at my sudden action.

Even I myself couldn’t fully comprehend what I was doing now.

What I did know, was “this thing” is after me, and trying to separate me from the two of them. I didn’t even want to know what its purpose was, but there’s no doubt “it” was my enemy. An enemy with whom we couldn’t mutually understand.

“…’Consecrated Field’.”

Even to myself, I think it was a remarkably flat and cold voice. It’s just an elementary magic to ward off monsters, undead and the like. All it could do was making them uncomfortable and refuse to approach, that’s it.

“?!! GY, AAAHHHHHHH!!”

The effect was extraordinary for “it” under my foot, unable to move or escape. At this moment, I was sure that the little creature under my foot was in severe discomfort and suffering terribly.

To us, these marauding creatures were incompatible with ours, and their existence was nothing but “hostility”. Yet, guilt pricked at my chest, and something rose in my throat at the sheer discomfort of my actions. But still.

“’Consecrated Weapon’…!”

The pointy tip of my staff had a faint glow in it.

“Its” eyes looked up at me in fear.

The goblins, who were taken by surprise by my sudden assault, began to move in a panic.

My hands never stopped shaking.

But I firmly grasped at my staff.

I put all my weight on the child goblin’s mouth, which was about to scream in terror, and drove the sharp, pointy tip of my staff into it.

“GYAAAAAAAYYYY!!”

The grating voice stung my ears.

My hands felt a horrible sensation.

“Its” jaws were shattered, and it screamed inaudibly, spitting blood and flailing about in a violent agitation, hurting itself just as much as I did.

…I hate this.

I don’t want to do this!

Because this creature is so pitiful, so painful.

I’m scared.

I want to release it from my restraint and forgive it already.

I want to heal its wounds and send it back to the forest to tell it not to do this anymore.

But!

“AAAAAAAAAH!!”

I shouted to shake off my hesitation and swung my staff down again.

Even though I was powerless, my “Consecrated Weapon” struck the target with a shock every time my staff hit it. Each time I swung down my staff, something new shattered with a soggy sound and transmitted an unpleasant sensation to my hands. And so with each swing, the resistance gradually weakened underfoot. A scream that gradually stopped.

Extinguished. A life, extinguished under my foot, by my own hand, not another.

My vision was nearly impaired by tears and my throat was parched with fear.

This, was the path those two had been on.

The only reason I had been spared from it was that I “wasn’t cut out for it”, that’s all, I had pushed this pain onto those two and kept my hands clean until now!

Then one goblin, unable to resist, jumped out and attacked me. This goblin, with tears in its eyes and attacking me half-crazed, must have been the family of this young goblin at my feet.

…My “Protection” was still durable enough. I braced for impact.

Just before the blade reached me, the goblin that had leapt at me split into its upper and lower halves in mid-air and rolled away.

“…I’m sorry, I should have prepared for this. Please, let me do it for you, I’m really sorry!”

It was Saul-niisama, gripping his sword tightly.

Together with Reiji-san, following a step behind him, they furiously swept through the surrounding area.

As the two began to demonstrate their full strength, they mowed down the onrushing assailants, as if their previous struggle had never existed.

A corner of the forest was soon stained with blood.

“Ugh…!”

Finally, unable to contain the pressure of what is rising from my throat, I fell to my knees, barely preventing my body from collapsing with the support of my staff, and irresistibly vomitted on the ground. The bitter-sour liquid burned in my throat as I coughed it up. I was thankful that I had little appetite in the morning.

Kill me. Just kill me already.

…But there’s no way around it. That’s the world we’re living in.

I stood up unsteadily, wiped my tears with my sleeve, and glared at those around me who were still fighting. I had to do my job. I started chanting a new spell to help those two fighting just a little further ahead, tears still streaming down my face.

I must never forget this experience. Being a healer on the battlefield was surely a crueler role than I thought. Fighting means sending the wounded out to die again and forcing others to kill someone else… that must surely not be forgotten.

“Iris… How are you holding up?”

As I marched down the road with tears still streaming down my face, I hear Saul-niisama’s concerned voice.

“(sniffs)…I’m fine. This is the road you two have walked, I, too, can…”

Nii-sama suddenly grabbed my shoulders, and with a serious expression on his face, he stared at me.

“Listen to me. I don’t want to see such a look on your face anymore, Iris. That’s why I’ll take my share of your ‘enemies’, as much as possible. I shall hesitate no more.”

No, that’s not what I wanted. Still sobbing and unable to speak, I could only try to convey this by at least looking at him and shaking my head no. But Nii-sama smiled gently and put his hand on my head with a plop. He gently stroked it, as if to calm me down.

“Hear me out, alright? I know you’re sad to see lives disappear, even those of our enemies… but I hope you stay that way… I’m sure it’s for our own good. Because I won’t justify getting my hand dirty, I’ll live without abandoning people, and I’ll live without forgetting the weight of what I do.”

Nii-sama gently wrapped his arms around me.

In his tender embrace, I could no longer hold back my tears, as if it was a reverse of last night…