Editing/Standardisation: kubor04
Formatting/Extras: APM
Original Translation: Blastron
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Ahh, I’m stuffed. Maybe it’s because I was so hungry, or maybe it’s because I need nutrients to recover from all this damage I took, but I somehow managed to eat the entirety of a frog that was almost as big as my entire body. What, that sounds like it’s physically impossible? Hah hah hah, what are you saying? In this world where such mysterious phenomena as “skills” exist, you can’t say that!
In fact, eating all that has caused me to swell up like a balloon. Ahhh, if I were still a human, I’d be thinking of going on a diet, wouldn’t I… Come to think of it, though, when I was a human, I never really got fat even with my messed-up eating habits, so dieting isn’t really in my vocabulary anyway.
First things first, let’s repair the part of the net that the frog got tangled up in. Ugh, this is going to suck with my belly so heavy and swollen…
It was a struggle, but I’ve mended my web. No other monsters showed up while I was working, which is good! Hmm, wasn’t I also way too unprotected while I was eating the frog, too? There definitely might have been some monsters nearby that would have been lured by the smell of blood. I haven’t seen them in these smaller tunnels, but what about those six-legged wolves from before? Their sense of smell is probably great. I’m going to have to make sure to bring my prey back into my home before I start eating, next time.
Ahhh, I’ve finally taken care of the basic necessities of life: food and shelter. Hm? What about clothing? You’re telling a spider to put on clothing? Ha. I don’t think that’s really necessary, since the temperature in here is really kind of pleasant, and I’m covered in short hairs that keep me comfortable. Plus, I don’t even have anything to wear! I mean, I guess I could weave something out of my silk, but I don’t think that’s a very good use of my time. Even if I were to make something, how would I even put it on?
For the time being, can’t I just ignore clothing? Ohh, if I do that, I’ve got everything on lockdown without having to work for it at all! Well, no, I guess I did have to build my home in the first place, and fighting the frog was a ton of effort, so I guess you could say that I had to work for it, huh…
…Well, as long as nothing big happens, this environment seems pretty safe. There’s only really a couple things that could mess this up: someone coming through and busting down my webs, and a lack of prey coming through here and getting caught. The first one isn’t so bad, since if some brave warrior comes through here knocking down my webs I can just run away and rebuild elsewhere. The second one, hm… if prey keep coming around regularly, I’ll definitely be able to live my perfect shut-in lifestyle.
This is wonderful! I was definitely a huge shut-in in my previous life. When I had to go to school, I’d sit in the back of the class and avoid talking to anyone, and when the bell rang I went straight home and spent the rest of the day surfing the net and playing games. Dinner was either the kind you added hot water to and let sit for three minutes or the kind you threw in the microwave. Occasionally I’d grab something prepackaged from the convenience store, just for variety.
My parents both worked, and they came home super late, so we never really saw each other, let alone had any sort of conversation. I did the minimum amount of housework necessary to keep them off my back. To be frank, they were really just complete strangers that happened to live in the same house as me.
Thanks to that isolated lifestyle, I’ve always found communicating with other people to be fairly troublesome. …Well, maybe it wasn’t just my lifestyle, maybe I was just born with that kind of personality. But, thanks to all that, I didn’t have any friends. Even when I played MMOs, I rarely bothered chatting with other players.
As a result, my MMO characters tended to be the distant, silent type. I usually played a middle-aged bald dude, the kind of nice guy who wouldn’t say much and let his actions do the talking. Stats and skills all seemed useless, so I poured everything into raising my physical attack damage and my speed, ignoring everything else. Combat was always hit-and-run; “just try and lay a finger on me,” you know, that kind of thing. I dodged every attack that came at me, since my complete lack of defense meant that I would absolutely die if I got hit.
Umf. I don’t care that I might not ever see my parents or my classmates again, but I’m going to miss that old bald dude. In free-to-play MMOs, a free character able to beat the paid players is a pretty spectacular sight, and it’s a shame he’s just going to quietly disappear.
I had more attachment to my game characters than I did to my parents. I was a terrible human being, wasn’t I? Well, it’s the truth. Are those people even going to be sad that I died? Ah, whatever, it doesn’t matter either way. If I were in their shoes I don’t think I’d mourn. I’d probably think that putting together the funeral would be a pain!
If I were to say this to anybody else they’d probably get pissed, but, really, so what? I wasn’t bothering anyone, so it’s really none of your business. I was bothering my parents? Hah, no, I played the stock market in my free time, which gave me enough money to live off of. Once you get a feel for it and get used to taking the risks, you can make a pretty decent living off of it. So, I definitely wasn’t bothering my parents. I wasn’t bothering anyone, so I didn’t need to talk to anyone.
Ah, well, listen to me ramble on about things that don’t matter anymore. Let me summarize in a grand declaration:
Shut-in losers are the best!
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Author’s note – Please do not attempt this at home. This is a work of fiction, and the opinions of the characters are not those held by the author